The fear of rejection is an ordeal everyone is trying to escape in every decision they make.
Here’s what you can learn. Feel free to jump around:
Rejection hurts, real bad. It has an incomparable effect in your present life, and ultimately, your future.
It’s an experience you wouldn’t want to meet. Feeling unwanted is the least you want to handle.
Do you remember when your name was the last to be picked during school group researches or activities?
Or that feeling when your co-workers left you out for lunch?
How about that time when your girlfriend/boyfriend dumped you without a word?
Or when that prospect employer set aside your resume for someone else.
Rejection sometimes makes you miserable. It lets you feel self-pity.
In fact, a study by Naomi Eisenberger presents that rejections stimulate some regions of the brain the same as those of physical pain.
That is the reason why a lot of individuals tend to fear rejection. You know how much it hurts the first time you experience it, and you wouldn’t want to go through the same suffering.
You understand that your worth is of no value. Perhaps you even feel unlovable. Or you sense that you are bound to be alone.
However, the fear of rejection refrains you from taking risks and accomplishing your goals. You tend to settle for less, and you’ll be likely to limit your life.
Here’s the good news for you! With a little bit of commitment, you can work your way out of fearing rejections.
Here are the TOP 3 simple ways to overcome the fear of rejection:
Generally, people regard rejection as a bad thing. I hope that after you reach the last word of this article, your views of rejection will bring in some positive light.
1. Understand and analyze every rejection.
Rejection happens to everyone else – it is inevitable. Remember that. Even the most successful, beautiful, and talented people went through multiple failures, disappointments, and rejections.
No matter how big or small the rejection is, the burning pain feels the same.
* Dating Rejections
Dating rejection is one of the most painful rejections and most personal pain because it involves your inner and outer insecurities.
The effects of rejection dwell so much on physical and behavioral attributes. You may feel humiliated, inferior, and not good enough for someone else.
You may even blame yourself and think that you are not deserving.
Or you believe that it was the other person’s fault so you’ll be living your life hating people with bitterness.
These emotions lead you to experience fear of rejections on your next relationship.
What should you do?
Accept the rejection. Let your heart feel the pain. Give it ample time to heal. Learn from your mistake and your partner’s mistakes.
Pamper yourself. Let your heart and mind be ready for the next relationship. Let your emotions be stable. Then you can now start dating again.
* Job Rejections
Rejections from a potential recruiter feel less personal than dating rejections. Your lack of specific certification, skills, or years of experience does not stimulate your physical or desirability insecurities.
It is human nature to dwell on the negative issues rather than the positive ones.
Understand that when a recruiter calls you initially, you already did a great job. Other applicants might not even have the chance to be screened.
What should you do?
Congratulate yourself on making it in the first interview. Determine what could be missing in your resume. Find time to research. Develop a positive mindset.
Review the jobs you want to incorporate in your career. Be flexible. Most companies tend to search for transferrable skills rather than technical skills. Face your fears. Then try applying again.
* Peer Rejections
Peer rejection affects mostly children and teenagers. But it also haunts a massive count on adults.
You can experience it in the workplace.
It disturbs me sometimes that people tend to disregard someone for the fact that they are not in the same level of intelligence, achievements, or talents. I find it undeniably rude.
You can also experience it with friends.
How do you feel if a friend invites your circle of friends to a party, but not you?
I know, it’s disappointing. And it hurts, honest hurt.
Sometimes, it happens when you are just starting a friendship. You know the feeling like it seems you are trying hard enough to fit in.
What should you do?
Analyze your choices and preferences. Let yourself be embarrassed or discouraged. It’s okay. Don’t let the sense of belongingness define you.
Start positive self-talk. Create a mantra that builds a strong mentality. Then let it go.
2. Focus on your goal.
There’s not only one solution to a single problem. Besides, not everyone will say ‘yes’ to you.
When you plan to take risks, you have to be ready to accept two possible outcomes. While you extremely hope that it will go well, never turn your back on the circumstance that it will shut you down.
If you take risk one and it didn’t turn out right, that’s okay. Take a second risk so long as it aligns with your goals.
Unsuccessful risks serve as a stepping stone to your learning journey.
You will never think of rejections the same way again when your mind is preoccupied with your goals and the wisdom brought by your risks.
Focusing on your goal is not just enough. Your goals should link your thoughts and actions. There is no use listing all your goals while sitting and fearing things that have not happened YET.
You can’t grow a flower pouring soda on it. It needs enough water and sunlight to flower beautifully. Focusing your goals are in the same manner.
Here is my formula that you may want to consider on your own:
Focus goal + lists of risks + thoughts + actions + discipline = fear of rejection conquered + success
3. Find your motivation
Is my goal attainable?
What if I fail?
What if I’m taking the wrong path?
Will I be good enough?
These questions tend to hold you back from moving forward and doing what you want to achieve.
It is human nature to think ONLY the negativities without even starting a step. You always think about the “what ifs”, eventually giving up on your dreams.
Perhaps you may have experienced an embarrassing trial in the past which haunts you every time you make a decision or a risk.
You want to avoid any embarrassment or disappointment, so you stay safe. You refrain from setting your goals.
Letting all these thoughts allow your dreams to be just dreams.
I currently uninstalled a game on my smartphone, as I feel that it interferes with my working habit. But let me share with you the only thing that I learned from it.
It was entertaining, especially when you receive coins, stars, free lives, or free weapons to smash the subsequent levels.
While you collect freebies on each level you pass, it becomes harder.
Have you tried playing the same level over again?
It’s unexciting, isn’t it? It is effortless.
That’s because your main goal is to pass a level, to move on to the next step.
When you fail, you strategize. You make use of your freebies. But the goal is still the same – to pass the level and move on.
Similarly, in real life, you need to have a goal that motivates you to keep fighting no matter what deal life confronts you with.
Each of you came to a point in your lives where you have fearlessly done something daring because you know for the fact that it is worth taking these risks.
Yet, sometimes, these risks don’t direct you to where you really desire to be. And you know very well how that stings you to the core.
That increases your fear of rejection. The thought of intense pain is tormenting. But fear not!
1. Rejections provide you a lesson to impart.
2. Rejections motivate you to be a better version of yourself.
3. Rejections test your patience and inner values.
4. Rejections let you realize that there are other paths to reconsider than the lane you are focusing on now.
5. Rejections lead you to magical change.
6. Rejections make you fiercer.
7. Rejections offer you valuable opportunities.
And the great news is, you can always find a way to get through it. Rejections don’t define who you are.
Don’t let the fear of rejection tie you down. Don’t make your decisions in the safe line. Calculate your risks and GO for it.
ACT NOW. Don’t procrastinate. You will never be ready if you plan a bit much.
You may never know where your courage and open heart leads you.
Great things are always worth the risks.
Before I leave you out, I want to share a talk from Mr. Jia Jiang, who made a 15-minute inspirational talk at TedTalks. (I love TedTalks by the way, hope you tune in regularly too.)
The talk focuses on how the fear of rejection made him a successful entrepreneur and influencer today. (Link here.)
Let’s talk about your fear of rejection
Successfully overcoming the fear of rejection varies from each individual.
Why don’t you leave a mark on the comment section below, share your struggles on rejection, and what valuable steps did you take to overcome it. We might add it to our top lists to encourage and enlighten others.